H is for Home

May 19, 2013

Adler and Heath

Peonies

Favorite piece of linen

Light

Kilim pillows

White vases

Weird doorbell

Mother-in-law tongue

Sister art

Dresser

Peace Lily

Trophy

 

I love our home. I moved in four (!!!! omg. FOUR.) years ago next weekend, to a house that was crammed full of stuff, dust, roommates, and potential. There were years when we had too much junk, too little furniture, and too many things to fix to even know where to start. We still struggle with what project should come next; this summer’s list is truly impossible, and – somehow – virtually identical to last summer’s list. But, after years of sharing our domicile, we’re really, truly getting there. These pictures represent only a few details of our home together, but they highlight a few of the things that I love to pieces: the glorious light, the artsy objects made by our friends and family, the items that represent who we are and what we do. We are both collectors (me more than H-dubs), and our home together shows that. It is full of living things: people, plants, and animals. It isn’t perfect, but it is ours, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

(I’ll come back to G later. I’m having major writer’s block with G, and since this is a self-imposed project, I think perhaps I should stop being stubborn and move on.)

(This is the story of my life, by the way.)

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Happy Mother’s Day

May 12, 2013

Happy Mother’s Day! Here’s a picture of my gorgeous mom (and dad), looking incredibly stylish.

Mom/Dad/me (1981-ish)

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I’m a bit stuck these days. I’ve been thinking about my next post, and getting really hung up on the idea of G. What could G stand for? Green thumb, growth, grown-up, gratitude… so many things. Each could be worthwhile, but most feel like I’d be sort of faking it. Does that make sense? Each of those g-words are things that I could think about, ponder, share. But none of them really resonate. I’m not an expert with any of them. I might write something wrong, or stupid, or embarrassing to my future self.

This exemplifies how I’m feeling in most of my life right now. I’ve been feeling the weight of self-doubt. And I’ve been “death-spiralling,” overthinking everything and finding myself a bit paralyzed. It’s big things: lifestyle, career, self-image. And it is little things, too: making vacation plans, purchasing window treatments, finishing a painting project. And yes, writing a blog post. I’m just a bit stuck on the idea that every single decision will result in some kind of consequence. Let’s face it, all decisions result in some kind of consequence, for good or ill. Choosing to paint my house results in having fewer dollars in my bank account, being surrounded by cleaner walls, losing a Saturday or two of my life, and having a generally more attractive place to call my own. All decisions involve weighing the options, measuring the consequences, and deciding what is worthwhile. Right? And right now, I’m completely overwhelmed by every possibility. I find myself frozen.

It’s been building for a while, so I’m not entirely shocked to find myself in this situation… or, more accurately, in this emotion. It has been a time of both internal and external pressures. I’m a bit of a pressure cooker by nature: put a bunch of stuff (information, or external opinions) in me, put the lid on it, and let it stew until my internal contents have reached a pressure level that requires careful instructions to release. For the past few weeks, all I want to do is hide out, hunker down, and not deal with anything. It’s time for me to follow the careful instructions to release the valve and let what will be be. Only, that’s a scary prospect, too, with potentially flammable consequences.

And so, here I am, stuck in the middle, between the choosing, the deciding, the thinking, and the doing.

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F is for Family

April 27, 2013

photo lifted from my Aunt Nancy’s Facebook feed The most unexpected thing about my Granddad’s memorial service/celebration of life/[insert ostensibly uplifting euphemism for "funeral" of your choice here] was that it really was uplifting. Granddad is the first Important Person in my life who has died. I’m 32 years old, and I realize exactly how unbelievable [...]

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E is for Eulogy

April 14, 2013

My beloved Granddad died this morning. He went peacefully and without pain. He was 89, and I will miss him terribly. You know how certain people are just larger than life? That was my Granddad. He was tough as nails, surviving an unreal number of life-threatening ailments over the past two decades. He served in [...]

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