Hi. I’m not Abbersnail. I’m Anonymous. Nice to meet you. As part
of the Great Blog Share put on by -R- from And You Know What Else,
Abbersnail is writing elsewhere on the Internet, and I get to blog-sit
while she’s out. Anonymously. That’s right, we Blog Sharers live on
the edge. Moving on…
My ex-boyfriend, one of the few that I still think of without any
4-letter words involved, is getting married on Saturday. To someone
who is my polar opposite in almost every possible way. She’s from New
Zealand and has a sexy accent, she has a PhD in a mathy/sciencey
something-or-other, which compliments his own status as a Doctor.
(Yes, I broke up with a handsome Doctor. No judgement, please.)
She’s tiny and petite and has gorgeous dark curly hair. Miss PhD and
I are absolute opposites. When I first heard about his engagement I
felt like I was going to throw up. See, just over a year ago this
Doctor was talking about marrying me, planning international vacations
with me, starting a family with me, monogrammed His and Hers towels
with me, Dr. and Mrs. Me. This is a man who loved me, encouraged me,
adored me. He gently picked through my relationship shrapnel and
taught me how to love again, without reservation and without question.
At one time I couldn’t imagine not having the Doctor in my life.
Until I could. And he could. And we broke up.
Fast forward to now; I can’t talk about this on my own blog and I feel
like I need to talk about it. (Thank you BlogShare!) See, I am in a
committed, serious relationship and the Boyfriend reads my blog. His
only flaw–other than hating tomatoes–is that he cannot understand
keeping any kind of contact with an ex. Perhaps my flaw is that I
cannot truly understand purposely avoiding or never again speaking to
someone who was once such a large part of my life. Within reason, of
course. The lying, dirt-baggy, abusive, psychotic, crazy ones can rot
in hell for all I care; but for those ex-boyfriends who are genuinely
good men but didn’t exactly fit, what is the protocol? Is it ok to
stay in touch? Is it ok to send completely platonic and very
occasional “what are you up to? this is how I’m doing” type emails?
Can we be Facebook friends? (Real friends, not stalker-friends.) Is
it ok to have the social contact equivalent of a yearly Christmas
card? Something that conveys a “you are part of my life, how are you?
I truly hope all is well.” Is it a completely personal decision,
changing with every individual and every relationship? Is it
something between you, your current partner and your ex-whomevers?
And how do I start the conversation to answer these questions with the
Boyfriend?
…I’m not being completely open here. Yesterday I called the Doctor
to let him know that I had a wedding gift for him, and I wondered what
was the most appropriate way to get it to him. He volunteered to drop
by and pick it up, and an hour later I was chatting on my front porch
with my soon-to-be-married ex-boyfriend. We talked about he and Miss
PhD (honestly? she sounds just lovely), we talked about our families,
we talked about friends we both knew, we talked about me. We didn’t
talk about us. There is no “us.” There was just two old friends
sitting on the porch steps catching up. It was so good to see him, to
talk to him, to remember how much I respect him, to tell him
face-to-face that I was thrilled for him and Miss PhD. I secretly
held back tears that threatened to spill out from a feeling of honest
joy to see how content and happy he is with his soon-to-be Mrs.
Doctor, PhD.
Internet, knower of all things, is this weird? Is it unhealthy that I
don’t feel like I can talk to Boyfriend about a short, friendly
conversation with a friend who I happened to once-upon-a-time date?
Am I committing some kind of dastardly cheating-esque sin by not
divulging this information to the Boyfriend? Better question, is it
unhealthy that I still think the Doctor is one of the best guys I’ve
ever met? I know he is an amazing guy, he’s just not My Guy. Is it
alright that I still want him to be happy?
Do you have any ex-boyfriends (or girlfriends) that you still stay in
contact with? How does that work? How does that work with your
current significant other? Please help, this is a totally new
position for me and I’m begging for advice.