Today is our first anniversary. We’re celebrating by taking a little getaway to Napa, where we’ll be eating at one of my dream restaurants, Ad Hoc — the French Laundry’s far less pricey little sister.
“They” tell you that the first year of marriage is really, really hard. I’m knocking on wood as I type this, but we had a great first year of marriage. There were other life circumstances that made it a challenging year, but I always felt like I had someone on my team, and that made any challenge seem less daunting.
In our ceremony, our priest-slash-friend-slash-my-coworker (whew) gave the following homily. I’ve bolded my favorite part:
The two of you have planned this service very carefully, and – in doing so – you remind all of us that there are so many good things that bind us together and give meaning to our lives. Which build up our relationships on solid and sacred ground. You have chosen a reading from the Kama Sutra of Kindness, acknowledging that to love for a lifetime takes talent. Having been married for 22 years myself, I would agree with that statement. It is a choice to be together. It is a choice to be advocates for each other, to forge a team, and go through life together. To choose over and over again, for the 72,000 mornings, as the poem says. And you make this choice once, and again, and again. You’ve chosen a reading from scripture which confirms God’s passionate love for us, a love that is stronger than death, fiercer than the grave. It teaches us about how God loved us, and how we are called to love one another with love that is patient and kind, steadfast and long-lived. As I’m sure you’ve already found in your partnership together, the more that you give of yourselves in this relationship as a twosome, the richer that each of you become individually. In making this covenant to be together through richer, poorer, in sickness and health, through joy and adversity, you create a kind of container. This container where it is safe for each of you to be free to find your truest and most vulnerable selves. In marriage, your bond of trust allows you to bring each other to your fullest selves. In your marriage service today, you strengthen each one of us. I invite you to turn and look out at those gathered here today, because we all stand with you as you make this covenant with one another. We stand with you today, and we stand with you in the many days and months and years to come.
I love the idea that this partnership is a safe haven, where we can each be exactly who we are. That was something of a revelation for both of us, a sharp contrast to the notion that “two become one,” and that marriage is all about sacrificing for the other person. At our reception, my dad’s toast included the advice, “celebrate everything.” These two key points probably had the biggest impact on Year One of our marriage. I hope we can take the same advice to heart in the next year, and the next many years.
And now, I’m off to taste some wine. Huzzah!!!
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