I’m lonely in San Diego. It feels utterly pathetic to admit this, but when I think about the root of whatever’s bugging me, the thing that rings truest is that I’m very simply lonely. I failed to predict the extent to which this would be an issue; I’m an introvert, but I also enjoy being around people, and I’m sort of absurdly friendly. I kind of figured that I’d get plenty of alone time and hit it off with one or two people here and there, and that would be that.
No such luck. I have one lovely friend, but one friend does not a social life make. Particularly when one is working in a silo. I finally have a part time job here, which I thought would help in a big way. Unfortunately, there’s no physical location and my colleagues don’t meet regularly. I feel isolated, and some days, the only familiar person with whom I interact is the Horse Whisperer. He, on the other hand, is often over-socialized through work, and he wants nothing more than to come home and sit quietly.
FaceTime is my new favorite thing, since it gives me the chance to interact with my friends in a way that feels more substantial (and less scary to this phone-phobe). But I need some buddies. I crave having people with whom to take a walk, or get a glass of wine, or whatever. And I miss running into familiar people out in the world – being recognized from across the room and greeted with a quick hello. Those interactions simply don’t happen when you don’t know anyone.
It’s gotten silly enough that I have just applied to work at several retail stores, largely for the purpose of getting some forced socialization. I’m nervous that I’m starting to lose my interpersonal skills; even writing this feels stilted. I’ve found myself acting more socially awkward than usual in the past few months, and it is getting worse. Time to do something about this.