I’ve spent my entire life cultivating a sense of guilt. I think the fundamental issue for me is the fear of taking up too much space in the world. As a music student, I took several private lessons with a renowned Alexander Technique practitioner, Phyllis. During one of our first lessons, Phyllis told me that one of the most widespread issues she saw when working with people was that we all tend to compress our bodies inwards. This may not make much sense if you’ve never experienced A.T., though I think yoga presents a similar experience. Every lesson began with me lying on a table on my back, knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Phyllis would tell me to breathe, and with each exhalation she’d adjust my body outwards until my back was wider than ever before. Amazingly, I left each lesson about an inch taller than when I’d walked in. Seriously, I know it sounds crazy, but talk to anyone who has taken A.T. lessons and they’ll probably concur. It’s a really wild experience.
My point, though, is that many of us do this, physically, mentally and emotionally. We fear that we’ll infringe on another person’s space, that our existence will be too big. I think it is part of what makes us fear success, this feeling that we will be too much. I know, at least, that this is true for me. I think of the many times when I haven’t given my “all,” simply because doing so would make me feel larger than life. And what a ridiculous way to live, fearing your own greatness! Why shouldn’t we take up more space, even dare to infringe a little bit? I think it would be pretty amazing to see what we are collectively capable of making with our lives if we’d just give ourselves permission to be Great.
I’m not quite at the point where I feel okay taking my own advice here. I’d like to think that I will one day give myself the space to be whatever I am, and to be alright with that. But I’d like to challenge all of you today: for one day, be larger than life. Be colossal. Be Great. And tell me what happens.
I love this. But today I am cranky with stress. I don’t feel like I could be colossal or great. Phooey! Maybe next week?
Yeah, I’m a little hungover today, but I think this is great advice that I’ll have to take when I’m at 100%!
My experiences with the Alexander Technique were similar to yours – it was truly amazing and I always surprised how little know it is.
They have a wonderful website at http://alexandertechnique.com
And, amazingly, Obama seems to like it: http://obamawill.com
I’m with Sizzle. I’m going to have to pencil this in for a future date.
You’re so right. And women do it more than men. Notice how men stretch out at conference tables, don’t move for each other to pass through, that sort of thing. And next time, reach your arm ever so casually onto the chair next to you as you talk. If you take up more space, maybe your ideas will, too.
Note to all – taking a rain check is totally fine. After I wrote this, I immediately spent my entire day being unproductive and eating caramels. Seriously.
Mary – I DEFINITELY think this is primarily a woman thing. In fact, I wrote a whole paragraph about that. And then I figured maybe I was full of crap. Thanks for validating it!
i knocked someone over….
I love this post! Very well written and oh-so true. Oh, and I love your new shoes too!!
[...] hearkens back to my post yesterday, to the issue of cultivating guilt. Why should I feel guilty about this? It is completely [...]
That was a beautiful post. As a taller-than-average woman, I’ve probably spent a lot of time trying to shrink inward physically to make myself less noticeable (at least, when I was younger and self-conscious about it… now, I do that sort of thing only at crowded concerts, I think). It’s never really occurred to me to connect that physical action to a figurative one as well.
[...] a question of “when.” When will I let it go, when will I take this humongous risk? When will I give myself permission to be Great, rather than stagnating in the Land of [...]