I often remark on the fact that I am occasionally a social moron. Whenever I do so, the comments are littered with protestations of this fact. “Oh, no,” you assure me, “you seem just LOVELY!”
Blogdom, I love you for your undying support. Let me assure you, however, that I am sometimes – and without warning – transformed into the Awkwardest Person In All The Land.
Many, many months ago, I shared a story of a “catch dot mom” (thanks, Stef) dating disaster over on A Girl and A Boy. Leah and Simon had asked commenters to share their worst dating story, so I shared my best little gem. (I’ve shared it here before, but basically this dude told me that my ass was going to get bigger as soon as I got engaged. He could just tell. Oh, and that I didn’t want to have his babies. And a few other things that were awful, but not as awful as those first two. This was, by the by, our third date. Yes! Winner!!!) After leaving my comment, we exchanged several silly emails about my tale of woe, centered around the theme of booty size.
Segue to a few weekends ago, when I attended Maggie’s Cool-Whip fight. I’d invited several people to come with me, but each had woken up with a different ailment/conflict, and I wound up attending alone. Despite the fact that Maggie and her friends are quite possibly the loveliest group of folks ever, I was feeling a little bit wallflowery. Suddenly, from afar, I spotted Leah, Simon, and Wombat! I bounced on over and announced, “Hi! We’ve emailed before! I’m Abby! It’s nice to meet you!”
Well… except that I was already amped up and feeling a little out of my element, so I kind of shrieked it in their general direction. Because… you know. That’s the best way to make friends.
They looked a little bit startled, which I can only imagine had something to do with the fact that they were being shouted at by a cool-whip-toting stranger. They quickly recovered, however, and asked what we’d emailed about.
And this is where I became an absolute nitwit.
“Erm… ah… um… we just… I… yeah.”
I think it went something like that.
Friends, I had no idea how to say to these lovely people that we had, on several occasions, emailed one another about the size of my posterior. HOW DOES ONE SAY THAT OUT LOUD? And so? I said almost nothing. And then? I STOOD THERE LOOKING AROUND AWKWARDLY. FOR PROBABLY FIVE MINUTES. STILL CARRYING MY COOL-WHIP.
BECAUSE I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NORMAL!!!!!!
I share this tale today for two reasons. The first is that Simon emailed me yesterday, very kindly noting that he had unearthed our previous email discussion, and he understood why I suddenly morphed into the creepiest and weirdest person OF ALL TIME (my words, not his) when asked a simple question. The second is that I am scheduled to finally meet the wonderful and glorious Ms. Sizzle in mere days. Sizz, just… forgive me in advance.
As for the rest of you, consider yourselves warned. You never know when I might see you in a crowd and come scream a greeting at you before transforming into a silent and staring buffoon.
Leah and Simon, forgive me. It really was divine meeting you. Despite… you know… the Awkward.