A friend emailed me this afternoon and asked me to host their guest post, because this little corner of Blogdom disperses such awesome advice. Welcome, Friend! Everyone else, please weigh in what you would do in this situation, if you have a moment. Thanks!
I’ve had a blog for just over three years. In that time, I’ve gone from having three readers (me, my man, and my mom) to having just over 2,000 independent hits per week. I have put a lot of work into my blog, and I’m proud of it.
Yesterday, though, I found myself in a tough spot. A real life acquainance started her own blog several months ago, and had been aggressively trying to boost her readership. She had sent out an email to a large group of friends, asking people to read her blog. I try to be supportive of the community, so I made sure to check in every now and then, but her tone was very negative most of the time. She seemed to pride herself on being mean to people – her next door neighbor, the anonymous girl wearing “ugly” boots on the bus. Her blog made me like her less and less, so I stopped reading. I didn’t make a big deal of it, I just stopped going by and commenting.
Yesterday afternoon, I opened my email to discover a note from her. She basically demanded that I add her to my blogroll. She said that she couldn’t help but notice that she wasn’t linked on my blog anywhere, and that she wouldn’t stop pestering me until I added her. I couldn’t believe her nerve! I know that the blogroll isn’t something that many people pay attention to, and so I will probably end up just linking her to shut her up. I can’t imagine why she would feel entitled to a spot on my site. I wish I had the balls to tell her that she needs to work on her content if she wants to draw readers, instead of trying to feed off my traffic.
What do you think, Abbersnail’s readers? Do you link to people who ask you to add them, if they haven’t put in the effort to interact with you on your site and theirs? And when people ask, do you feel annoyed? I know I’m taking myself and a stupid website way too seriously, but my blog feels like my creative property, and I don’t like people expecting to get a piece of my intellectual “pie.” What would you do if you were me?
Anonyposter, this is Abby. That is super annoying, and kind of not the point of the blogroll, right? But I’m kind of a wimp sometimes, so I would probably add her. I’m sorry you’re in this situation! I’m sure that someone else will give you much better advice than this!!! Hang in there, and take a deep breath!
Weird. And not the point of a blogroll at all.
I set up Google sharing for my blogroll, so it’s constantly changing. It really gets me out of all of that weird stuff about who’s on it and who isn’t on it. It was really easy and I did it through Google Reader. Other RSS readers probably have a similar feature.
Probably not helpful, I know…
Add her blog’s name to your blogroll. But link it to a website about anger management.
i only have blogs on my blogroll that I like, appreciate and would want others to read. I also dont like the blogs with the negative tone. i guess if she is a friend of yours, and you do want to just get her off your back, you can add her…but i suggest giving her “friendly advice”. you are a success…how can you help her be one.
Wow, what an uncomfortable position to be put in. I’ve never had anyone ask/demand I put them on by blogroll. I usually just add the people I like, read or are my friends. That said, I rarely read blogs directly from their site any more, I use google reader and read from there, so I don’t see blogrolls any more. Can you just ignore this person? You could just add her to quiet her up, but it’s a bit unsettling to do that when you don’t actually like her blog. I think I would just ignore it for a while and hope with time, she’ll forget about it.
I’ve been in this situation though not with a friend who turned blogger. I’ve gotten perfect strangers who have dropped one or two comments making such requests of me. It is very off-putting. I’ve gone both ways- given in to just get it over with and replied with, I don’t actually know you and I only put blogs on my roll that I know/read.
Your friend seems to be into blogging for the fame of it and not the creativity or the community. It will likely backfire. I give her blog 6 months or less before it crashes and burns.
I agree with Sizzle: this person is not in blogging for the right reasons. Maybe you could add her and ask her exactly why she is blogging. She seems to be self-centered, so she may not have thought about it.
Having said that, I do not think you should add her blog to your roll. Your blog is your own intellectual property, and, in a broader sense, your own little part of the interwebs. It is your space, and you should “decorate” it how you choose. Would you put up a picture of someone in your house just to make them stop bugging you about it? Good luck!
Full disclosure: I am not a blogger so I do not understand the whole blogroll thing; however, I am an avid reader of Bright Yellow World.
I’ve never had anyone demand to be added to my blog roll! I guess, like Abby, I’d cave because I’m a wimp. But…I might have some strong words to her in an email (or phone call if you have that sort of relationship). Just because if she’s being this obnoxious with you, she’s likely doing this to others, too, and that’s not a really good way to build a community. She’s going to end up hurting herself (it’s already hurt your relationship with you!) in the long run and maybe some well chosen words would let her know that.
This is a tough situation. There are some blogs in my blogroll that I’ve linked to because they’re real-life friends, even though I don’t care for their writing. I just link to be nice.
If I were you, I’d probably link to her just to shut her up, but not read or comment on her blog. If she contacts you about THAT, then I’d tell her how I felt about her writing. It may be tough to do, but it’s her own fault for bringing it up. Good luck.
Dude……..what an awful request! I only post blogs on my blogroll that I actually read–it’s kind of like endorsing, yes? I would never put up a blog I didn’t like (be they friend or not) as it reflects upon my taste as well–although, lets face it, my taste is probably highly questionable.
However, I’m also not afraid of confrontation and answer that email with, “No, I won’t add you because I don’t like your blog/I find your blog too negative and I don’t want to advertise it on my space/etc.”
My life rule is honesty is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS the best way to be happy.
-K
Oh, that’s just plain awful. What a rotten corner to be backed into! I think this would be one of the very rare times when I might put my foot firmly down, risk the conflict and say, “NO!” (I loathe conflict. Seriously. I am the master of the ‘wait, she didn’t actually say yes OR no!’ escape.)
My blog is “mine,” sure…but in a way, it also belongs to my readers. I have a lot fewer than you (a LOT fewer), but they’re the best darn blog readers in the world, and in my possibly skewed view of things I owe them something in return for their loyalty and friendship…which includes not hitting them with endless advertisements for random things they don’t want or need or care about, and not linking to sites that are way out of line with mine.
I think I’d tell her we had incompatible styles, that linking wouldn’t be a good idea, my readers wouldn’t appreciate her writing and vice versa (which would be true, by the way, and linking might actually be harmful to BOTH your blogs…you don’t want YOUR readers going to hers and going, “What the?!”, any more than you want HERS coming to yours and spewing nasty comments about how not-nasty you are, right?), and that while I appreciated her offer to network (ahem), it didn’t seem like a very good fit right now (how about never? does never work for you?).
Also, I laughed so hard at Noelle’s suggestion about fixing the link to an anger management site I nearly popped. Awesome!!
I liked Noelle’s suggestion too.
That’s a super tough spot. I do agree that it’s not what blogrolls are about. But I do think that blogging/twitter/etc. are deceptively simple – so many people get the basic concept, but not necessarily the etiquette. I would probably put the link up, but I wouldn’t be happy about it.
I think your “friend” has a lot of balls to ask/demand that of you. Would she let you put any bumper sticker on her car that YOU chose? Prolly not. I mean, your favourite band is “Gay Witch Abortion”, so she wouldn’t mind advertising on her car, right? (bad example, but you get my meaning)
Tell her no. Tell her why. It’s up to you how you tell her (little white lies or outright hard-to-hear-truth). Chances are, you’re not the only one she’s approached like this, if she’s really lulu for hits and ratings.
Sorry for your dilemma, as it sounds as comfortable as a blister.